So You're A Hacker/Internet Troll?

Salutations,

Luckily for me, this site is protected by the strongest possible security: begging. 

Please don't hack me, dox me, swat me, defraud me, re-design this website, exploit my total lack of cyber security, or otherwise act towards me with malicious intent. Please? I have no doubt you would be able to make my life worse if you chose to, oh mighty patron of the internet. Please show me mercy. Ideally in the biography nobody will ever write of me, this website will get a chapter called, "How Kevin Found Love (It was Dumber Than You'd Think)" and not entitled, "Kevin's Greatest Mistake".